don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just cropdusted the office
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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