Hey man sorry I got all grabby
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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