Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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