You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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