My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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