There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
