totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
