YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
