Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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