Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
