is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
