You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
