Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
