you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how does that bad decision feel?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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