It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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