this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
