I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
