Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
