Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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