You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
