the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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