White coat. Heels.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
