My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
