I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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