Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there's paper in my vomit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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