just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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