he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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