apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
