I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
