every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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