you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
