If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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