So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
