I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
