He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
