yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
