Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Randomize
