im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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