i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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