i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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