he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
