Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
