just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
