I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
