That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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