M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
