I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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