So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So squirting runs in the family.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
