Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
