Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dignity is for republicans.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
