I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
